So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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