Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
4 words: hood of his car
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
