I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
