you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
