I need to stop coming to work sober
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
