Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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