just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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