Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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