So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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