Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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