You're completely useless in the revolution.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
