walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
