I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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