If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
