Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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