That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
