I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
