you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
