He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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