Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
