every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
