his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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