Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
