why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
