Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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