I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
