I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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