Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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