she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize