They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
