We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
