I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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