tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
