WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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