Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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