if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
