By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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