we have pet lesbian snakes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
