Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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