i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no. you can't hotbox the world.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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