I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
