What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize