Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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