Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
