I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize