man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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