I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In other news, I just burned my penis
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
