No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
