I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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