By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
