She's JV to your varsity
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
