Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
