what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
