Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
