I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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