ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
