Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
