i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
