couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
