Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
