please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
barbara walters just said penis...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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