i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
