Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
