Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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