I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
whose parrot is this?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
