btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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