in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
