i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize