I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
