Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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