She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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