You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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