You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
