he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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