I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We got so high we made milksteak
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
