Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
