I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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