your thong is hanging out like whoa
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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